


He watched and he hoped

by Anonymous



Series: Dream SMP stories [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Child Abandonment, Dead Toby Smith | Tubbo, Family, Family Fanfiction Indonesia | FamilyFI2019, Found Family, Ghost Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Toby Smith | Tubbo, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jordan Maron is Toby Smith | Tubbo's father, Jschlatt is Toby Smith | Tubbo's Parent, Letters, Parent Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Ram Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sleepy Boys, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29708949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: He knew what it was like to lose someone, to stand by and watch as people came into your life only to leave just as quickly.He knew, yet he still hoped.Hoped that one day, someone would stay.He should have learnt that hope is worth nothing against fate.
Relationships: Jordan Maron & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Everyone, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, captainsparklez & Tubbo
Series: Dream SMP stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095047
Comments: 7
Kudos: 135
Collections: Anonymous





	He watched and he hoped

**Author's Note:**

> !!!TW!!!  
> has major suicidal implications and references a successful suicide attempt at the end, please be warned if those types of things trigger you

He should have expected it, really he should have. When had he given himself this false hope, false hope that people would stay. Looking around at the deserted L’manburg, all his citizens off doing their own things, leaving him on his own to govern what had turned into a ghost town, he sighed.

He should have expected this. His life was filled with loss after all

First it was his dad, not Philza, his actual real dad.

He can still remember that day, the day that small box became his home for longer than he would like to admit, his father leaving him there and running the second he got the chance. A small part of him can still see the blurry figure of his father, the loving father he knew. The bee plushie, a gift he had won from a fair placed in the box with him, would serve as the only reminder he had left of the man he had known. His father, built for adventuring the sea, a captain amongst men, itched for his boat, sitting in the harbour unused since Tubbo had been born. He wouldn’t be able to resist the pull forever, he knew that, his father knew that. But that man who left him in the rain in a box, that man was not his father, it was some monster who had stolen his face, stolen his boat... stolen his love. 

Sailing into the distance, falling off of the edge of the sunet, Tubbo watched as he left the young boy all alone for the first, and sadly not the last time.

Then a blonde man in a green bucket hat had found him, pulling him from the rain and into the house. The three boys that all but charged at the man when they entered were almost as overpowering as warmth of the room, a stark contrast to the bitter weather outside. After being introduced to the other boys, he became a fixture of the house, sticking to the youngest boy, Tommy a boy who was loud enough to call the gods, like glue. He listened as Wilbur played his guitar to everyone as they all sang softly to the tune, and he watched the first time Phil and the oldest friend, Techoblade, left for the first time.

_ Heading to a new land, _ that's what they said while packing enough supplies to last what seemed like months.

_ We’ll be back soon _ , that's what they said before pulling the door shut, leaving the three others behind.

They didn’t come back, not for nearly a year, though the letters from them helped keep hope. By then Tubbo had accepted he had lost two more people in his life to the cruel hands of fate, but then, one evening as they were listening to Wilbur strum his guitar, the knocking of the door echoed through the house.

They had had visitors before, but something felt off, something about whoever was outside put Tubbo on edge. WIlbur standing up and opening the door, hiding whoever was outside from the younger boy's view, tried to hold back his smile at who was outside.

Philza walked in, followed by Technoblade, both carrying bags almost as big as themselves wearing clothes that looked far more fit for the cold. Pulling Wilbur into a hug, Tubbo caught the small tear roll down the older man's cheek. Leaving Wilbur to talk to Technoblade, Philza stepped around the boys and went to greet his youngest. The scream of dad was drowned out when Tommy launched himself into Phil’s arms, finally seeing his dad again after months of hoping.

Tubbo, sitting on the couch still, Wilbur’s guitar leaning against him, he saw the family embrace, waiting for when they’d remember he was here. Watching as Wilbur led the other three to the kitchen, explaining how he was just about to start dinner, Tubbo sat, watching and waiting.

He knew he wasn’t Phil’s favorite, of course he wasn’t, but it still hurt to be reminded.

L’manburg had been the next big thing he let his hope bleed into. A mistake he seemed content to keep making. It had been all fun and games, a few schwables and some fun batter between the two sides.

Then it became real. An actual war, where the 16-year-old had been forced to fight, to grind for resources and to try and survive the violence.

He really should have seen it, everything had been going well, they were actually winning and the other side was retreating. The fact that Dream was retreating should have set the alarm bells off, but he was too caught up in Tommy’s excited shouts.

Eret’s betrayal hurt. He thought they were friends, yet he led them all to be attacked, let them all be almost killed while they were defenseless. He left Tubbo behind as he assumed the role of king, was a title, something so trivial worth more than other people? Maybe.

The fourth time it happened, it was more expected, already used to the people he cared about leaving. But with Wilbur and Tommy exiled, forced out of their own country by a Ram Hybrid who gave off the same vibes as those of Prince Hans from frozen, he was free to make a name for himself. Forced into being secretary of state, he worked with Schlatt to help try and keep L’maburg from becoming a fire hell hole. It failed of course, Wilbur, with the need to be incharge over taking his thoughts, led a rebellion and had Tubbo spy. He couldn’t betray his brothers, but Schlatt had helped him, and well... the small horns that poked through his hair weren’t helping the situation.

So he stood back as Wilbur and Tommy led their army into battle, cornering Schlatt in the rundown van the country had been founded in. His figure slumped against the wall, bottle still in hand and eyes glassy. There was no way he would survive this.

He watched as the man was swamped in what seemed to be a heart attack, falling to the ground after an argument with Fundy.

He watched as the man made eye-contact with him, admitting amongst the chaos that he was scared. Calling for his son to help him.

And he watched, as his friends rejoiced over the man’s death mere seconds later.

Somehow he ended up in charge, both Tommy and Wilbur refusing the position, he accepted that he had to take charge. He was going to take charge and lead the country to be the best it could be, with Tommy and WIlbur by his side….

Accept no, that's not right. Because Technoblade was here, blowing up the country, and there was Wilbur hidden in an opening under the stage, Phil by his side and a blade through his stomach.

He listened to Tommy scream, to the cries from across the battlefield, and he held his gaze. Staring at the man who just killed his own son, watching, knowing, that he had lost another.

He got his country back, it was a hole in the ground, but it could be rebuilt. So they worked, he and his cabinet worked to build from the ground up and make it better then it had ever been. He hoped that this time, this time they would finally be able to make peace.

He hoped too soon.

Tommy burnt down George’s house, the new mushroom home that was hidden around a corner. Out of sight and out of the way, but still apparently a problem. He was in trouble, peace had lasted barely three days and already walls were being built as punishment for the fire. The cabinet didn’t listen, spoke over him as he tried to explain what was happening, they ignored his suggestions even as they went to have Tommy stand trial. 

It should have ended there, truely, but Tommy is loud and rash and doesn’t think about the fights he’s picking.

He loses Tommy too. He hadn’t meant to, truthfully, but his cabinet was screaming, Tommy was screaming, Dream was screaming and no-one was listening to him. 

He broke, for the first time he actually, genuinely broke. A small voice inside him called him to make a stand, to be loud and make everyone listen, to become a leader his pre-decision would be proud of. 

So he did.

His laugh stopped everything, a terrifying mix of insanity and madness, of power and of a pure, unfiltered need to be heard. And they listened, finally they listened as he made his decision and if he couldn’t save his friend, he would save his country, they couldn’t afford war right now.

It was weeks later when he realised just how badly he had lost. Standing at their borders, was Technoblade and Tommy. He had thought he later died, seeing the tower left at his exile that held a deadly height, but here he was. Standing strong with Technoblade by his side they walked away, coming for what they wanted and leaving, not even giving a glance back at the young president.

With both Technoblade and Tommy away from L’manburg, it came to no surprise when Phil left too, Ghostbur following along as they left thinking everyone else was distracted with chasing down Technoblade. He could have caught them, he saw them leave after all, but something inside him knew that this was going to happen, and if he stopped it? It will just happen tomorrow. And so he watched from atop the hill, as he lost again.

Everyone else left as well, slowly but surely flickering away to build their own areas, leaving Tubbo on his own in a country he had never wanted to rule.

He wrote letters, to Phil, to Tommy, to Technoblade, to Ghostbur, to his dad, to Schlatt and to everyone. None of them ever got past the door of his office, but they were written and hidden away in a box safely tucked into the cupboard. Ready to be found.

One day he woke, and the box was full. Pulling it along the floor towards his desk, he wondered why he wrote so many, so many pieces of paper that would probably get thrown away before being read.

He left the box at the foot of the desk, in clear view for whoever came looking for him.

Standing at the edge of the cliff, he wondered how his father had lasted so long without the ocean. He could feel the waves calling him, reaching out and ready to catch him. For the first time in years, his hope felt like it wouldn't be scared away by fate.

The fall was freeing, finally not having to worry or wonder where the next injury would come from. He finally felt at peace.

He watched, he watched as the waves threatened to cut his skin and drag him under.

He watched as people ran, looking for a boy who had already left

He watched as the letters were delivered

He watched as a boat come to shore, feet away from his resting place

He watched as Phil, Technoblade, Ghostbur and Tommy came back to the mainland.

He watched as a ghost come out of the shadows

He watched as peace was finally created

And he watched

Watched as he faded away, finally at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> The [BLOG](https://smp-boundaries.tumblr.com/) that contains the smp members boundaries in regards to things such as fanfic, cosplays, etc...  
> 


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